The Void...

Looking at the reflection on the mirror I couldn't resist myself from laughing. People stared at me, not like they never stared before, but today I let them stare at me. Everything remained the same, the tall buildings, the buzzing vehicles, the tourists and the cold look of strangers while they swiftly make their way out of the busy street.

Today, everyone took their share of few seconds to frown at me. Nobody uttered a word but I could hear those whispers in their head, eccentric... stupid... annoying... useless... yes, I heard them all still I continued laughing at my reflection. I wanted to cry but I couldn't so I laughed, the mirror on the store's window reflected a thin girl on high heels, she was beautiful once, but the lustful beasts didn't leave an inch of that beauty, and now with those bloodstained lips she doesn't even need a lipstick. Hope is far from her eyes. Her pale body is tattooed with scars & wounds that screams the stories of betrayal and injustice.  But today she is laughing loud because she stumbled upon the juncture of living and just existing. For years she was lost in the void of time & space. Past is Erased, Present is Written & Future is Forgotten.

Another lustful hand grasped my waist tight and took me away from the mirror of reality...

Melancholy Journey!

"I sat back and stared at the never ending sky. Fast moving clouds took the shape of my thoughts. I saw a dragon breathing fire, a lady dissolving into thin air, the wings of an eagle, eye of the god and a kite flying away. My imagination built everything perfectly, felt like I drew a poem on the sky. Wish I could drift away with those clouds but they never bothered to look back.  I saw the last ray of sun seeping through the darkness reminding the end. And then came the ghost of the day, he slowly crept into the silence revealing the bewitching beauty of night. As I stood there trying to keep my broken pieces together I didn't even realize my shadow too have left me. Darkness hovered my head like an eagle waiting for its catch. I wish God could open his eyes for once to see my misery and take my life. Nothing changed, nothing will ever change. The cold breeze gushing through my pale skin reflected the pain in my soul. I stood there detached from myself, attached to nothing. My soul swayed in the wind like a lost kite."

Revenge…

Wrapping those cold hands around my pale body, I stared at myself on the mirror like a dead meat. I knew the devil has taken its form inside me. Silent whisper gushing in my heart says, 'kill it... kill it! Don't let it grow'. The evil has resurrected putting the old self to death. An overwhelming power within me cast out all the norms and shame. I'm no more scared, my fear has sunk in the aggression. I've scarred myself, rocking back n forth on the time machine. If not now, its never.

I felt the warmth of his breathe around the corners of my neck and the bloody beast lured around me with his lustful eyes. He was weaving his web, waiting for this moment, but the irony of life followed like a shadow. With my eyes closed, I enjoyed that enticing moment for one last time. But the painful distance to death is slow in a glass of poison. 

I drained out my pain with the wrath of death. Staring at his helpless eyes, I flew into the world of never ending silence... 

Let it go ...

Letting go the things which you want to hold on is hard. But once you let it go the sudden rush of overwhelming peace is the beauty of life. Holding back tears is a struggle but once you let it go and cry hard it makes you stronger. Worse things in life comes for free and the best things may just not happen even after series of failed efforts, all you may do is letting it go to thin air. Beware, nothing is going to last for long, say it pain or happiness, you may have to either suffer it or enjoy it and let it go. How much ever hurt or scarred you are nothing can heal it until you let it go. Spread your wings, fly around in this amazing world to get amused because life is simply too short and before you know it, you run out of time.So take a breath and let it go.

Take off that Mask!

   You wear a mask that cuts the real world inside you; where you are the wildest and the best of all. Disguising your dreams, frustrations, depressions - it is hiding your identity. Did you choose to wear it or were you forced? The answer is still unknown.

The more you wear it, the more you fall into that unfamiliar realm where losing yourself is the only option left. Chasing away from one gun point to another. You are becoming a stranger to yourself. Struggling to unhook yourself to a better tomorrow. You know how helpless you are with that mask.

Break the bond. Let yourself out from the league of masks. You are not to be chained with norms, you are not to be poisoned with lust and greed, you are not a stringed puppet. Stop following the blind, start leading the league of freedom. Feel the tear that rolls over your cheek, feel the smile that brightens your face, feel the ecstasy in embracing your soul. Rip off that mask; run from fear to freedom!

           "God has given you one face, and you make yourself another" - Shakespeare

Surprise!

            I was so impatient that I couldn't close my eyes; I knew it's going to happen soon. But somewhere between my dreams and expectation I didn't realize I slept off. The next thing I saw was my crazy friends rounding my bed singing birthday songs with a delicious chocolate cake. Though I expected it, I pretended to be extra overwhelmed to make my sweet friends happy. 

The surprise birthday party kick started with a bottle of champagne (again I expected it but had to pretend all excited). The unexpected part was to see so many new faces and old faces which added to the craziness. Drinking like a fish, dancing like mad but deep down I was expecting her call. I kept checking my phone, e-mail but no answer from her. My annoying neighbour was the show stopper, he came thrice and blasted at us for loud music and this time we had to give up. Drunk girls, crazy assholes, jerks, doped freaks, old buddies all are out now. (Birthdays are at times just another reason for getting drunk and people just love to a take ride on it)

Its early morning 4.30, I was still up staring at the 855 Facebook wishes which didn't make any sense to me. Somehow I managed to sleep. Morning with a heavy head I got up and started off my daily routine. Professionalism and work life cares no damn even if it’s your freaking birthday, you have to work your ass out. Office was just hell that day. So much of tension and chaos that too I had to handle all on my birthday pheew! However busy I was the thought of her kept on disturbing me. I still remember the last thing she said to me


"Wait till your birthday, I have the biggest surprise for you girl"
"Surprise? Should I get paranoid"
"You ass, just wait and watch. It's a Big Surprise"
"I'm waiting"


I have never met a girl like her. A mad ass, crazy about everything and anything. You just can't resist missing a friend like her. She was a mystery woven with lot of problems, from her divorced parents to her old granny who is a cancer patient. But she always managed to keep a smiling face.

 I was so curious and excited to know her big surprise. But I got no answer from her the whole day. I tried to make myself believe, she was just kidding. I didn't know why I was very restless. Night around 11.30 I managed to call her. (While calling her, in my head, I was planning on how to blast her for not coming home for the party). The phone kept ringing but no answer. I got even more impatient and redialled the number, this time someone picked up the call on the last ring. I couldn't believe what I heard.  It was an accident or a suicide. No one knows the answer. All I could do was cry and cry for my long lost friend who taught me to live life against all the odds

"Was this her Surprise? Or has she gone with so many unfulfilled dreams and surprises?
Just like her, the answer remained a mystery"

Changing Time

         Have you ever imagined, how fast can a normal day fall into the list of the most horrendous days of your life. You wake up in the morning expecting everything to be fine and go ahead with your daily routine but end up with an anti-climax.

         That day too started so well even I expected it to be not more than a normal mundane day. Woke up after ten snooze, dragged myself to the loo with a bad hangover and their again slept off for another ten minutes. A glance at the watch and then started the running process, I ran out to catch a bus though I knew I won’t make it to the interview.


         With i-pod plugged in my head I sat in one corner of the bus, blocking myself from the world. The bus stopped suddenly with a bang, I was pretty sure it was an accident and time to scoot. I got out of the bus saw a glimpse of two people lying on the road, the couple looks pretty old, never even bothered to check what exactly happened. Here comes another bus, I don't want to take a chance, quickly jumped into it. I noticed a guy staring at me, an old man in his late 60's or 70's, sitting in a corner. His face looks peaceful but his eyes spoke a lot. His looks made me feel guilty for not helping the old couple. But I'm helpless, this interview is more important for me. As I reached my stop I got off from my seat gave a quick glance at the old guy, he kept staring at me. With no time to bother, I walked off.


         Somehow I managed to reach on time.  Gave my best shot and got through the interview. I walked out with the confidence to face the world. After several failed attempts, it’s my time to prove my parents I'm not worthless. I'll make a fortune out of my life. Phone started ringing breaking the silence of my day dream.


'Hello…hello…where are you?'
 ’Hello Uncle! What happened? Why you sound so tensed?'
'It's hard for me to explain... (weeping) Your dad...he ...he is no more... (weeping)  met with an accident today, come to CM hospital urgently'


Beep... Beep…


Couldn't take the shock, I got frozen. The world came to an end with a deafening silence.


 My dad would have been alive now, if only one of the passengers took him to hospital  but then it was his fate to bleed to death in the middle of a rushy road. I could never walk pass by any accident ruthlessly how I used to be after my dad's death. Whenever I see someone in accident I see my dad lying on the road pleading for help. I can't change the world, but can change myself. Nothing is more important than saving a life.


Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does
-William James

Being Insane!

 Being Insane!

           Roaming the street wondering why I feel dead when I’m supposed to be partying and enjoying the success of my career. More money and respect, what else should I ask for.

      Sleepless nights...endless conversations...planning and re-planning...confusions and disappointments... quarrels and convictions. Finally here I'm successfully out of the mess with a promotion however the question still remains the same.

Why am I doing this? For what? For whom?

     

      I can see my life, still in a mess with all of its imperfections perfectly blended. I wish the world to end now; I have no strength to face tomorrow.

    A dog eat dog world wrapped in glamour and luxury is waiting to grab me but here I am waiting for a chance to get out of this rat-race to enjoy the eternal beauty of life.

Never bothered to be bothered

                                      In this busy world where everyone's world revolves around money and lust, we forget many things, many relations, and many commitments too. Things that are priceless turns out to be the most unimportant ones and we are never even bothered to think about it. The robotic age has turned man itself to robots where everyone is working on a set of rules, with just one goal,  "make money and die for it". Even though it’s monotonous and mundane, we still run behind it. More than a race, it’s a means of survival…"survival of the fittest". Hmmm... now let me start my story...

       College days...yes I know what you're thinking...'the most amazing days' right? Well true,friends...and friends...and friends. I was no different from a typical college student, least botherations and tensions. Flicking money from Dad's pocket to bunking classes, watching all crap movies  that too first day first show,getting drunk and dancing with the worst steps literally making a fool out of me,spontaneous decisions and trips to nowhere  and everywhere ,running behind those annoying lecturers for attendance shortage,finally going crazy with the huge bundle of photostats and notes on the eve of the university exam,sleepless nights and sleepy exams.


       Every day was a happening day for me,being a social person my friends circle was vast and I believed then that they were my life.

      It was during my post graduation I met her. She was never a beauty to praise like poets do. But she's someone different,crazy, fun loving, caring, reliable, short tempered, stubborn and  a great friend too. A Perfectly Unique blend! That's what attracted me to her but I always wondered what made her fall in love with me.  We were never like the usual couples with long night chats,staring into eyes for hours and all those kinda cheesy stuff. 


        We both were busy setting our career and life, but somewhere down the line, I got carried away with my career and had to move on. I never really bothered to think about how hard that must have been for her. After 4 years, I saw her again, a happily married woman who threw her successful career for her family which she considers to be precious than her career.I wondered why she did it.

    Being a 24x7 professional, I was completely caught in the wicked web of life, where I thought I was comfortable and happy. My world was all about work, money, parties, fame and girls. Stressful days and boozed nights replaced my best friends. When my love threw her life for her family, I threw my family for my life. I never bothered about anyone; I guess the only person I loved and was bothered about was me, myself. 

    I still remember that dreadful day, a severe pain in my head, I felt like my head was tearing apart, I tried calling someone for help but before I could do something I lost my conscious. The next thing I know was I'm hospitalized. I could faintly hear someone calling me,slowly I opened my eyes saw my Dad standing next to my bed,couldn't figure out what was going around me and why was I chained to those beeping machines. But somewhere in the silence of the ICU I heard two nurses whispering,"yes, the result is positive, his tumor is cancerous". For a second, I prayed that shouldn't be me. As days passed I realized my prayers were in vain. 

        
      My life completely turned upside down, stressful days turned out to bed ridden days, painful nights replaced my boozed party nights. People I valued least are the only ones I have now. 


      This time it wasn't me who rode the steering of my life but was that unexpected friend who been following me all this while. He is waiting to grab my soul and eat my body. But before I go, I want to thank him, because he opened my blind eyes,if he hadn't made this entry I would have never bothered to find my Dad's love, Mom's care and Sissy's pamper. My years are over,months are over all I've is a few more days or may be God knows a few more hours. It’s insane to think about turning back time but I wish I had some more time.

I guess this time God is not bothered...

Insidious

       The stress was intense, as the daylight waned, my heart yearned for a new life. Wish I could stop time and go back, although it’s too late, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and then it slowly crept into me...

I fell into a deep space where there was no time, no pressure, no pain all I could feel was the aching soreness in my heart. I was blinded by the darkness, deafened by the silence. I kept walking... I could feel my heart pounding with fear. I could feel the cold breeze creeping into me numbing my senses. I summoned up my courage crawled towards the dark.

I could feel the warmth of a strange hand on my shoulder and the next moment, I was rolling down a hill, it felt like a ride to hell. Something caught my leg and I stopped. Its still dark & cold.

Hanging upside down, fresh blood rolling over my face. I cried for help but to my shock I realised I lost my voice too. From far I saw a white light blinking, it started inching closer to me, the more close it came the more brighter it was, my eyes started hurting. I closed my eyes and heard my own voice saying,"You are caught by your wish …which now turns out to be your fate... now you decide..."

I opened my eyes with fear to see myself hooked to the second needle of a huge clock. I was stuck, if I unhook myself I will fall on to the hour needle which is right below me. Its edges were so sharp and is all set to drink my blood. I realized , my bloody body hanging in between those sharp edges had stopped time and season.

The world was still, everything in it was still, not even a leaf was moving. I was completely shattered, wanted to scream loud but couldn't even do that. I waited there for long helpless in vain. Everything remained still, I felt weaker and weaker, pain started eating me alive. There again I heard my voice saying,"This is your wish...this is your fate...now it’s you who have to decide...".

I couldn't stand the pain, my own voice started creeping me out.

Finally I decided to do it. Slowly with shivery hands I unhooked myself and went for the final fall of my life, in no time it drank my blood with ecstasy. Before I knew, life flew away, I went still. Everything went back to normal world started breathing again. The clock started ticking, seconds started rushing, minutes started running, hours started passing.

Like the eye of a dragon the clock remained there waiting for its next prey...